I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am midnight drunk by noon
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
