i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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