Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
