Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
