She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Let's paint friendship bongs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
