the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
