What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
