I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
