Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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