I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
