So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
