i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
did you just send me my own nude
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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