Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
