why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
