Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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