There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
