my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
