I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
