i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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