i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
