We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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