Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
