Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The beers last night were like the tears from god
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
