I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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