Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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