remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
