I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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