By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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