I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
