It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
