And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That accounts for only three of the penises
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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