dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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