Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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