i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
