dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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