but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
