remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
