My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
