Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
