Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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