I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
