Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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