why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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