Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
