She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Floor bacon is actually really good
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
