You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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