I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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