I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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