Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
