You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
