i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
