I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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