he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
