My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
