i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
