so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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