if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
