Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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